The dangers of using kids as messengers between parents
Some parents who go through a divorce can’t stand the thought of talking to each other. Yet, if they share children, they will have to find a way to communicate about things related to their kids.
It might be tempting for some to try to use the children as messengers, but that’s never a good idea. Instead, parents should find alternative methods of communication because children can suffer when they’re expected to pass messages between parents.
Emotional burden on children
When parents use their children to relay messages, the children may feel caught in the middle. This can lead to anxiety, stress and a sense of divided loyalty because they might feel compelled to take sides or interpret messages in a way that pleases both parents. They may also be subjected to harsh reactions from one or both parents that they shouldn’t have to deal with.
Conflict avoidance development
Using children as go-betweens can teach them unhealthy conflict resolution skills. Instead of learning how to address issues directly and constructively, children may learn to avoid conflict or use indirect methods to manage disagreements. This can hinder their ability to develop effective communication skills.
Misunderstandings
Children may not fully understand the messages they’re supposed to be passing from one parent to the other. They may not be able to remember the entire message. This could lead to them relaying incorrect information, which can cause misunderstandings between their parents.
Impact on parent-child relationship
When children are used as messengers, it can negatively impact their relationship with both parents. They may begin to feel like pawns in their parents’ disputes rather than loved children. This can take away the trust and the sense of security they need from their parents.
Even if there’s a contentious parenting relationship, both adults will have to find suitable communication options. They should be covered in their parenting plan so there’s no room for misinterpretation about what’s expected. Working with a legal representative may help these parents to get applicable points clearly established in a parenting plan accordingly.
