How emotional affairs lead to divorce

It doesn’t take physical intimacy to have an affair.

An emotional affair is a connection between two individuals that goes somewhat beyond the norms of a platonic friendship – creating an “emotional intimacy” that mimics the closeness most people have in their marriages. They can be just as damaging (or maybe more so) than physical affairs due to the depths of the betrayal involved. 

How do emotional affairs start?

Emotional affairs can start in social groups, support groups, the workplace or online. Your spouse’s “gaming buddy” or “work spouse” can threaten your marriage just as much as an online friend – although there’s no question that a lot of emotional affairs start with social media connections. 

However, emotional affairs don’t happen in a vacuum. Several factors contribute to the development of an emotional affair, including:

• Poor communication between spouses: Emotional affairs often arise when one or both partners in a marriage feel emotionally unfulfilled, unheard or unsupported.
• A need for companionship: Sometimes an emotional affair starts because one spouse has gotten lonely. They may feel like the other spouse is disinterested in the hobbies and activities that matter to them.
• A need for validation: When someone cannot find validation in their marriage, they may look outside to get the appreciation and support they need in their career or other aspects of their life.

Emotional affairs are a huge violation of trust. The secrecy and emotional intimacy shared with an emotional affair partner can lead to a total breakdown of that basic building block in a marriage. As emotional affairs intensify, the spouse having the affair may compare their spouse with their affair partner – and find their spouse lacking. This eventually leads the spouse in an affair to further direct their energy and time away from their spouse.

If there’s no coming back from your spouse’s emotional affair, the most important thing you can do is prioritize your own mental, physical and financial well-being. Learning more about your rights in a divorce can make it easier.